Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What Matters

Up late working to the sound of crickets, frogs, and the night breeze, and I suddenly felt the need to note it here. Just to document the moment, the loveliness, the gratitude I feel for it, though my body hurts, and the week's been hard, and I'm way behind on way too many things.

But none of the hard stuff really matters.

I have a screen door that leads to a world of nighttime spring breezes, the sounds of crickets and frogs. Tonight, when I was unable to concentrate (for the quadrillionth time of late), I got up and spent a few hours making myself food for the week: I washed and dried two heads of lettuce so it would be ready for salads. I hard boiled eggs and baked some chicken. I roasted tiny new potatoes with carrot chunks and cauliflower, salt and olive oil. I made tomato-y curried lentils to eat with toasted cashews and yogurt and chutney. I cut up three apples and doused them with lemon to keep them from browning. I talked on the phone with one of my most beloved people, and it was more like having her in the kitchen with me while I worked--sometimes, we were just there, on the phone, not talking, each absorbed in our own moment, but present with one another nonetheless. There I was, nourished in all ways.

My dogs had a good day. This afternoon, I set up an extension cord and took my computer to the little table on the back patio, where I sat and worked for several hours while my dogs ran around the enormous yard with my landlords' two dogs. They're the best of friends now; they all get excited when my dogs arrive each Monday morning--quivery doggie play-date joy. Today, one dog went to the water bowl and the rest followed, and then each dog drank from the bowl in turn, while the other three stood around politely waiting their turns--they almost queued up; it was hilarious.

One of my landlords just cleared an enormous space out back so that I can start a garden--he's planning to have it tilled for me when the ground is dry enough. My other landlord, his wife, is planning to grow a couple of tomato plants out there too, but mainly, the space will be mine this summer, and I hope I can grow enough to supply them with plenty of produce all season long (not really much of a challenge around these parts, where everything grows like weeds).

My life is filled with small joys that are actually enormous, and I'm surrounded by beauty all the time. I have good work to do, and people who love me with all their hearts. And people I love with all my heart. And the hard stuff is hard, and it makes me tired, and my body often hurts.

And none of the hard stuff really matters.

The lizard who indulged me by sitting quite still
for a portrait session for quite a long time.

Bunny (baby? it was very small) in the front yard late yesterday
afternoon. Edited all soft and romantic-like, because...BUNNY.


  1. Replies
    1. I'll see your exes and raise you a few ohs! ;-)

  2. Because... BUNNY! This post is a feast of nourishment. xox

  3. Shoot, I just wrote a long comment and it got dumped somewhere between here and making me sign in on blogger. But, the gist of it was that I loved reading your post and "seeing" your day. I love those days when I feel like I'm being able to pay attention and notice all the small/big and amazing things and people in my life. It reminds me of going through a jewelry box as a child and just being so engrossed in each beautiful thing (not as materialistic as that might sound ;o) Anyway, thanks so much for writing. Lots of love, Maya.

    1. Oh, Maya--I hate when blogger eats my comments. I'm sorry that happened! I too love looking over a collection of beautiful baubley bits (and your jewelry box story doesn't strike me as the least bit materialistic--that never crossed my mind!). I think all you have to do to put yourself in that mindset (most of the time) it. Writing it out helps, for sure. (And I always love seeing you here.)

  4. Bun-Bun came back for you! See, I told you s/he would. Very cute.

    A's M.

    1. Actually, Bun-Bun never left! I took that picture right after you left--as I was walking back to the house, I noticed the Bun was still there, so I ran and got my camera right then. I may still try to go on a front yard bunny photo safari sometime soon. So far, my landlords seem pretty unfazed by me stalking around the property with my camera on my face, so me sitting on the front driveway for an hour, waiting for a baby bunny to appear, probably won't strike them as too far from Amy status quo. ;-)

  5. Amy, I love your writing - I feel as though I'm there with you , hearing, seeing, smelling (wish I could be tasting!). Good Luck!

  6. Thank you for sharing your nourishment with us, too. And coming back to the hard stuff, and that it doesn't matter -- my eyes are watery. So nice. I hope I can share more days and moments with you soon.